Stop Pressuring Women to Get Married and Have Kids


There has never been a day in my life when I thought I would want children.  My entire life, the thought of pregnancy has repelled me. It’s like I’m missing something in my genetic composition that makes other women go, “Yes, it would be beautiful to push a human out of my vagina.” I don’t associate love or a relationship with procreation; I simply don’t associate procreating with my life. My impression from many people I know who do want children is that they thought about growing up and saw their future with their spouse and their kids and their white picket fence. Throw in an office job, and that is exactly what I would see if I sat down and imagined my hell.

I’ve spent a lot of time trying to not be offended by people’s reactions to hearing I want to remain childfree, but over time I’ve come to realize I have a right to be offended. Lots of people tell me that it isn’t normal, and that doesn’t really offend me. “How can you know?” doesn’t even bother me too much — I imagine if I talked to someone who was completely asexual or something else I couldn’t personally imagine; I might be curious. But here’s the problem.

Do you know how people find out I don’t want kids? 99% of the time, it’s because they make an assumption. They tell me about what I’ll learn when I have kids, or they ask me how I’ll continue to live in Texas while my boyfriend lives in Maryland when we have all the babies, or they’ll ask how many kids I want. I always correct them. For as long as I can remember, even at the tender age of 8, I corrected them. The desire to have a child is so far removed from who I am that I reflexively correct people who assume I want one, probably the same way you would correct someone who mispronounced your name.

Stop Pressuring Women to Get Married and Have Kids
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When I was a child myself, everyone told me I would change my mind. The joys of motherhood and biological clocks and whatever. Right now, I’m telling every single person reading this: do not do this. Even if you firmly believe the little girl looking up at you saying she doesn’t want kids can’t possibly know that, keep that opinion to yourself.

By second guessing a woman’s decision to go against the grain, you’re encouraging a culture that shames her, and it’s wrong. You’re encouraging her to give in to a mate later on, one who might be compatible with her in every single way except his desire to have kids. And having kids because you love someone and you’ve been taught you have a biological clock that will kick in and make you change your mind on the issue? That’s a fucking mistake if I ever heard one.

If you’re reading this, you won’t be shocked to learn that even at the age of 26, people still question whether or not I actually know what I want. You’re likely either nodding your head in agreement or shaking it in disbelief. My parents, my sister, my best friend, my boyfriend — these are the people that know me best, and, save one, all have known me for well over a decade. They don’t question me. It’s always some new acquaintance or a total stranger that feels the need to condescendingly tell me I’ll change my mind, or that they used to feel that way until they had a joyous little accident. Fuck you. You are rude as hell, and you might as well tell me to smile while you insult me.

I work hard to my stance on abortion pretty clear. Lots of people are pro-choice and aren’t of the childfree mindset themselves. I’m sure that plenty of women have abortions because the timing or situation was wrong, and go on to have kids later in life. I’m sure plenty of people get pregnant and keep the child even though everything about the situation is wrong — maybe they end up happy, maybe not.

For me, keeping abortion legal is so important to me because I don’t know if I would survive a pregnancy. If sketchy, unlicensed basement procedures were the only option and I was accidentally pregnant, I would take the risk. If I found out I was pregnant too late to abort, I would personally go through any means in an attempt to end the pregnancy. In general, I would not describe myself as depressed; I think I’m happy and well adjusted. If I suddenly am forced to carry a child, I very seriously recommend putting me on suicide watch.

Honestly, I wish I could explain it — the complete emptiness I feel inside imagining life as a mother. It’s similar to the way I feel imagining life with a female life partner: I cannot comprehend the appeal, I have no emotional connection to the idea, and in my mind’s eye, I become a stranger to myself. When you tell someone who feels this that they will change their minds, you’re acting like you know more about that person than you do.  You’re wrong.

I don’t care if other people have kids — my roommate has one and he’s great! I just care about myself, and my sanity. I don’t go up to women who are 6 months pregnant and ask them if they are sure they’re ready; in return, I expect that people leave me alone about my decision. If you’ve recently had a kid, don’t let your baby crazy feelings accidentally turn into condescending feelings when you talk to your friends. Just because it’s a good life decision for you, doesn’t mean it’s good for everyone.

A version of this originally appeared on www.mandawritesthings.com



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How to hint at marriage without scaring him off

You are in a beautiful relationship and are ready for the next step, marriage. But, you are endlessly waiting for your guy to pop the question. Talking about marriage isn’t easy. No one knows how the discussion will be before they actually come to it.

Fret not. Here’s how you can gently hint him to marriage without looking desperate and scaring him off:

  • The best time to broach the topic is when someone you both know got engaged. You can cosy up together under a blanket with him and then casually bring up the topic without being very obvious. Tell him how beautiful it was to see the engaged couple promise to spend their lives together and how they are made for each other. Your guy will most probably get the hint. If he turns jittery or outright disagrees, tread lightly or you might burn your fingers.
  • Talk about your parents and his parent’s relationships. That will help you a great deal in knowing what he thinks about the institution of marriage. If his parents have had a healthy marriage, you are lucky because he has a model to look toward. If not, he might be embittered by his past and may be scared to commit. In that case, if he is really worth having, get him to see a counsellor to help his heal his past wounds and become more comfortable with committing long term.
  • When you’ll are curled up in bed catching up on romantic flicks, ask him questions on the lines of whether he believes there’s one person for everyone. Ask him what he thinks of infidelity and monogamy. Bringing up monogamy is a coded way of discussing marriage.
  • When your guy is around, casually browse through jewellery boards on Pinterest and point out to rings that make you swoon. Not only will he get the hint, but will also know the exact kind of ring he needs to buy before popping the big question.

There you go! That’s how you hint without him knowing that you are. Here’s to a proposal as soon as you’d like it to be.

Kid’s Valentines Day

This is really sweet, have a look

4 ways to avoid dating the wrong person

Picked Mr. Wrong again? Oh no, there’s nothing wrong with you. There’s nothing wrong with the world. And, there’s nothing wrong with your expectations or preferences! It is just that you are either willing to try dating anyone you meet or that you don’t know how to avoid Mr. Wrong.

Here are a few tips:

  1. An unhealthy relationship with his mother: Moms are very important and how he interacts with his will tell you all you need to know. If he depends too much on her or if he tends to avoid her (the two extremes), things can be bad for both of you. You may have to live with this. You may either be compared to her at every step or you may have to make peace with the fact that he never talks to her. Do you really want to date someone like that?
  2. He goes on and on about his ex: This clearly shows that he is not over her. Stay away.
  3. His treatment towards his ex-wife is really bad: He may have unresolved anger issues with her or he may use abusive language for her. This is a cue to how he will behave with you when you have arguments. Such men are best avoided.
  4. He never has time for you: Yes, it is okay for men to be independent but if he barely has time for you, forgets your birthday, and would much rather do something else, it is time to move on.

It is much better to wait for Mr. Right than to put yourself through emotional hell dating the wrong ones.

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How to deal with the agony of rejection

At some stage in our lives, most of girls have been in an emotional pit – Hankering after a guy, who isn’t into us and then blame ourselves, the guy, and worse, think something is wrong with us. The problem is that when we lose our heart to someone, we go all out taking efforts to please the guy and then when the rejection comes, we choose to look at the events in a particular way and attach negative meanings to it and invite pain.

Follow these tips if you’ve been rejected lately and trust, it will make the process easier:

  • Don’t fight your emotions. If you feel and release your emotions, you will notice the angst and pain will dissipate sooner. Bottling up feelings and forcefully trying to look happy hasn’t helped anyone. So scream, cry and do whatever that will make you vent your feelings and start feeling lighter.
  • Stop dwelling on the past endlessly. Instead concentrate on the future. Set goals for yourself and dream about what you aspire to be and then work relentlessly towards it. This will help you forget your past easier.
  • Take responsibility for what you got yourself into. Think maturely and feel more in control that way. Being in the victim mode will make us sulk deeper and we don’t want that.
  • Learn from the experience. Take the bad dating experience and pick out the vital lessons from it. When you learn from your mistakes, you avoid more heartaches later in life. Sweet deal!
  • When we are down in the rut, we slouch, we have low energy, and we tend to become more lethargic. If you get your physiology in place, your emotions will follow too. So stand tall, breathe in fresh air, exercise, and eat a nutrition rich diet. You will be amazed at how much better that makes you feel.

Now cheer up girl! The world’s waiting for you.

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What women absolutely need to know when having sex

If you are a woman with an active sex life, you need to know a few important things. Write them down and memorize them. You will thank us later.

Here’s what you should absolutely know:

  • Go wizz after you indulge in pata-pata. This prevents you from getting the oh so annoying UTIs. Cranberry juice doesn’t help much. Trust us.
  • Always carry condoms with you. What if the guy doesn’t have one in one of those ‘takes your breath away’ moment? You don’t want to be horny and then suddenly bitter because you cannot indulge in sex!
  • Be prudent and ask your guy if he suffers from any STIs before indulging in pleasure activities. We know it isn’t sexy but catching infection unawares is far worse. So, no risk taking here.
  • Always take your BC pills at the same time every day. Not only is it more effective, but also reduces you ‘Oh freak! Did I take my med or not!’ moments.
  • If you have any ingrown in your private areas, get them checked. Chances are that the bump in your vulva may well be a sign of a STD. It’s wise to get tested regularly anyway.
  • If your guy has a visible cold sore, avoid making out till you use 101 precautions. There are good chances he has herpes and greater chances that you might contract it too.
  • Don’t douche. You might be too conscious of your vaginal odour but tell you what, guys actually like it. And anyway making your vagina smell like roses instead is going to rid it of its good bacteria and make you more vulnerable to STDs!

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How to create the perfect Valentine’s Day surprise

There is nothing like being at the receiving end of a lovely surprise on Valentine’s Day, from your spouse. Why not give exactly that to your better half this Valentine’s Day, and make him delightfully happy.

Here’s what you should do to plan the perfect surprise:

  • Always thoroughly investigate your partner’s choices (if you don’t already know what they are). You should know what he likes, what he wants, and where will he be available on that day so you can plan a surprise accordingly.
  • Learn how you will keep it a secret throughout. Practice your poker face and your calm body language well beforehand.
  • Take the help of your friends of his’, because the best surprises are often a group effort. They can flood you with ideas, and help you with specific deliveries and decorations if any.
  • Lastly plan everything to the last detail, beforehand. You don’t want any oops moments spinning your surprise on the very day.
  • Stay calm and throw the surprise. Don’t be jittery. An overflow of love always makes up for any flaws there might be in the surprise.

Go plan the most beautiful surprise, he has ever been given

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4 Signs That He Is Going To Propose

We are all waiting for that special moment: the proposal. We dream of it for years and when we met “the” man, we wait for the day to come. Are you waiting too? There may be signs that you are missing about his big plan! Let’s see:

  1. He is edgy and there doesn’t seem to be a reason: Is he being jumpy out of nowhere? Is he nervous? Well, that’s because he is planning vigorously and/or because he has bought the ring and is really holding on to it with dear life so you don’t find out.
  2. He has planned a trip: If a big trip is in the offing, chances are a proposal is too. Check for sudden plans and a trip that’s basically all planned out. If he just comes to you and turns into a professional travel agent.
  3. He is being strange: Strange behavior is probably because he is thinking too much and freaking out. He is under a lot of pressure to make it just right!
  4. He is saving money – a lot of it: If he is suddenly very careful about his money and is saving a lot, it is perhaps to save up for the special ring.

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3 Expert Dating Tips To Follow

There are a few things about dating that you must keep in mind. You could call them rules if you wish but make sure you follow them! This is coming straight from the experts who are experienced and have had their share of bad relationships. Let’s just save ourselves the trouble of first-hand experience then.

  1. Texting is a big NO! Texting once in a while is fine but if he only texts you and never calls, the dude is a loser. You may be wary of direct human interaction or speaking on the phone may be awkward but a relationship on text is not advisable. PICK UP THE PHONE!
  2. Don’t be the first one to call in the morning after the big night. You slept together finally and it was great. Awesome. We know you want to call immediately and speak about it because you are too polite. Resist that! Be cool. If you appear clingy, he will run.
  3. Drama is a red signal. If there is too much drama right from the start, he is not the guy for you. A relationship with your perfect guy will be simple.

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3 Tips To Surprise Him This Valentine’s Day

Valentine’s Day is round the corner. Do you want to give him a surprise? We have some tips that will help you accomplish this.

  1. Do some investigation: Of course you already know his schedule but it is time to look into the details. Pay attention to everything that he does for a few days and you’ll truly find inspiration.
  2. Practice the innocent face: Some of us simply can’t keep still when we plan a surprise. We can’t keep a secret at all! No worries. Just practice the perfect poker face for Valentine’s Day. Try it a few times in real situations and it will work for you!
  3. Ask friends for help: Group effort will help you give him the best surprise. Plan with his co-worker or his family member and give him a surprise that he will not forget.

Image Credits: IvanMikhaylov/ iStock/ Thinkstock Photos